how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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