Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
