There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she peed on how many people?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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