Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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