He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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