thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
