For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
