where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
