I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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