I accidentally burped into my bong.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
