So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
