Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
