she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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