You really coming over, don't trick.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
