My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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