the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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