Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
