don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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