When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
only you would photoshop your dick
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize