We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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