Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
