just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
