i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize