we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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