Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
