dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
