Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
