If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize