the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There r osticjed everywhere
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
