my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
