Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
