And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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