I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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