I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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