I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
