How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
