i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
