i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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