So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
