How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Vodka?
Forever.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
