just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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