I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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