Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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