I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
