one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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