Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i wish my penis had a tongue
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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