I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
