I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
