You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
