"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
