Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
