What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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