I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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