Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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