i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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