the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm passing your future prison.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
