We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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