He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
