Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
