dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
