so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize