in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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