True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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