I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
