I think im going to throw up on grandma
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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