I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
