We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
