He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
