woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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