Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
