the condom got lost in my hair
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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