dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
